All of the feelings


Part of coming back to your center, your core -- which is integral in the pursuit of love (both self and relationship) -- is being willing to sit in, if not being comfortable with, our emotions. 

In fact, I feel that is one of the more beautiful parts of being a woman -- our ability to be in tune with the depth of our emotions, and that (in most societies, I think, anyway) it's acceptable, even expected, for us to dive into them freely. 
It's certainly one of the most sensual things about being a woman.

But so often women, and especially, it seems, those of us who are spiritually inclined, avoid the more "unsavory" emotions because we think they're... well, unsavory. Unenlightened. Unladylike. 

We fear that people won't like us, they'll run away, if we show those emotions. 
We stuff them down; give them a spit-shine; frost them with some sticky-sweet and suffocating version of how we think we should feel; or worse -- we try to ignore them altogether, abandoning them.

Or maybe they're just too hard. 
And we don't want to even look at them, let alone let them out. 

Now, what if I asked you to imagine our feelings as children -- our little mini-selves (for the latter is exactly what they are)? 

And then imagine how they would feel being completely ignored by you, knowing you're ashamed of them, being banished to the basement to stew and fester, suffering and becoming increasingly angry and resentful? 
What if I told you that's how those feelings feel? 
They need your attention, too -- sometimes even more than the 'well-behaved' ones. 

That doesn't mean, either, that we should simply let our feelings run wild and have our way with us, and our loved ones, like some out of control, emotional, wacky-wiggly sprinkler toy. 

I've seen some women pull out that Marilyn quote, citing, "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best," and tout it as permission to behave badly.
But, unless you're particularly fond of the idea of toxic relationships, losing friends, and consistently awkward social situations -- I wouldn't recommend it. 

So then, what's the alternative?

Some (including me) have described it as giving ourselves permission to feel -- as if we have a choice. 
And I still think that is a good way to wrap our heads around what may, to some, be kind of a new way of being.
But there's more to it. 


Before I give you my thoughts -- I'd love to hear yours... 

Do you have some ideas around what makes for healthy 'feeling'? 
How can we give honor and shed light on even those feelings we think are less palatable? 

Would love for you to help me start the conversation.... :) 

Heather AllisonComment