We can all get our feathers ruffled, feel offended, have our feelings hurt, and let (seemingly or actually) thoughtless or hurtful actions of others kick us right out of our happy places....
How many times have you had your feelings hurt by your man or a guy you like --- or even a friend, a stranger, or a co-worker --- and have done one of these?
- Ignoring him, pulling away, the silent treatment.
- Avoiding an event or canceling your plans because he's going to be there, or you'd have to be there with him.
- Ignoring a text or a call.
- Think about doing something nice for him or cuddling up with him, but then DON'T because that means you'd be "forgiving him" for hurting your feelings.
- Start a fight or start yelling.
- Or even just thinking about him, stewing about it, and how he hurt your feelings all..... the..... time.... All day, for days, can't get away from it.
When this is with a friend or co-worker:
Maybe you scroll faster past their Facebook posts so you don't have to think about them; maybe you avoid their calls; maybe you talk shit about them to someone else, making them feel better by cutting them down; maybe you avoid going somewhere because you know that person will be there; or maybe you go and you just give them the stink-eye behind their back all night.)
While it might give some temporary relief or satisfaction to do one of those, we're actually making it worse.
Each time we feel that sting, that jab, that rush of anger or resentment, and we allow it to put us into ATTACK mode --- either attacking them (taking action, even if not "obvious") or attacking ourselves (avoiding the feeling or letting it control us) --- we're chipping away at our OWN joy, our own love, our own power.
So what are you supposed to do?
Instead of reacting with one of these kinds of reactions, try something I call:
"FEEL IT so you don't FEED IT."
Let yourself feel exactly what you're feeling about that person --- take a minute and actually SIT in it --- and then do at LEAST two of these Four Ts:
HOW: the Four Ts
- Track it (do this one for sure: figure out what's underneath what you're feeling, and where it's showing up in your body)
- Talk about it (with them, using language that isn't going to do MORE damage)
- Thank it (find something to be grateful for in the situation that was hurtful)
- Turn it (change your perception of the situation and/or bring your energy and thoughts around the situation and this person back to you)
If you want to know how to manage the Four Ts (so you're not Feeding the joy-eating BEAST), or if you need help with finding your juiciest love and life --- send me a message!
I'd be so honored to help you SHINE. :)