I got me, babe...

Community is wonderful.
Friendships are irreplaceable.
Sisterhood is precious.
They lift you up, they encourage you, they cheer for you,
they shine a light in the dark corners where it seems scary,
they turn a mirror toward you when you need to see, really see, your own reflection
-- whether to show you how amazing you are,
or to give you a smack of reality when it's needed.
They wrap their big, sometimes-cyber-based arms around you when you need a hug. 

I've been horrible about keeping up with my
30 Days of Thanks posts after the initial, oh, 8 -- but I'm so thankful
for my community, for my friendships, for my sisterhood;
old and new, deep or tentative. 
They often, perhaps because I'm an only child, sustain me in ways
I can't even begin to explain.

-- and I say this without a single ounce, even hint, of ungratefulness, I promise --
sometimes I still struggle with the fact that I have to be
my own best cheerleader.
It's not anyone else's job to make sure I feel great, and supported,
cheered around every corner in the race,
and like I can take over the world because, YEAH! I'm AWESOME!

How tiring that would be, to have that job -- constantly blowing in someone's sails,
fluffing up their feathers, providing the jazz-hands for their own personal,
never-ending Fosse of encouragement.

I know. It would suck.

But I still sometimes feel like I can't get an invitation
to the Cool Kids table in my own community,
or like I'm the red-headed-stepchild in my own sisterhood
(nevermind that I often try to go ginger at the hair salon),
and -- no matter how well I know that's not their job --
it still always feels like a bit of a let-down when I remember,
oh right,
that's up to ME.

(this time, it's a good but)
I can do that job.  
I think I'm pretty rad. I like me.
Screw that, I LOVE me.
I'll do my own uncoordinated cheer as I round that corner,
blow in my own sails until I'm gasping for air.

Don't get me wrong.
I don't WANT to have to do it all myself -- I meant it, I am hugely grateful
for my friends, my sisters, my peers, and for all of the hugging, nudging,
ass-kicking, and cheering they do -- but it's good to know
that when they can't be there (and even when they can),
I got me, babe.

Heather Allison1 Comment