Soul Mates, Twin Flames, and why it's not all about Chemistry...

There’s an article I see posted all over social media that I love.

I really do love it. It’s well-written. It’s empowering to women in love (or women desiring to be in love). It gets your heart pounding and your belly tingling just reading it.

And yet part of it makes me absolutely cringe.

Because what I see this article doing, and so many others like it, is painting a picture of what Love should look like when it’s with the ‘right man.’ When you’ve found your king, your warrior, your Soul Mate, your Twin Flame.

They throw around descriptors of the ideal relationship that read like a chemistry set warning manual. It’ll have “heat,” it’ll “set you on fire,” it’ll feel “combustible,” there will be, “explosions,” “collisions,” “fireworks.”

And it’s totally wrong.

It's not ALWAYS wrong. But it's wrong that these authors are laying that out as the expectation. The rule. The bar to set, and the goal to strive for.

Because sometimes it actually feels more like easing into the perfect temperature bath — just hot enough, not scalding, certainly not caught on fire. It's easier than "fire." It feels more peaceful than "fire." And in my experience, at least for most of us, it's SUPPOSED to feel more peaceful than "fire." 

The one thing that scares me when I see stuff like this is how they always steer you toward the ***CRACK***BOOM***POW!!!***

Toward the Twin Flame. Toward "Soul Mate."

It's scary to me because it's misleading. Those things — the CRACK-BOOM-POW; the Soul Mate, the Twin Flame — they have their place. And they're BEAUTIFUL. 

But often they're beautiful because the tear you to shreds (on purpose). 

Soul Mates and Twin Flames

In my experience, Soul Mates are Soul Mates because they're meant to be someone who helps to return us to our Soul path. Whether igniting you to release what you’re not, or reminding you of what you are — Soul Mates serve to deliver the messages, lessons and Activations that your Soul came here to receive, and help you to step into the path you’re meant to walk. And therefore, a Soul Mate will often — in one way or another — set fire to everything that you're not. Triggering you anywhere that you aren’t yet being the Love you’re meant to be.

And Twin Flames are actually fairly rare. Even if you incarnate here in the same lifetime, you're not guaranteed or meant to spend this lifetime together. From what I understand, when Twin Flames are together, their mission IS their relationship. If your mission in this lifetime is meant to be something else, something outside of you, then you'll likely not be with (or at least not stay with) your Twin Flame.

And it’s also true that sometimes these — Soul Mates and Twin Flames — can be the most passionate, the most potent, but also the most painful relationships (again, perhaps on purpose). 

I want to make sure it’s clear that I’m not saying these are better or worse than non-Soul Mate and Twin Flame relationships. On the contrary, that’s kind of my point: there’s no ‘better or worse’ type of Love or Soul Connection, and it’s not helpful to idealize any one above all the others, nor to paint the picture of them as “all unicorns and butterflies” and always-easy.

It’s also important to note that sometimes these kinds of connections aren't the ones that are supposed to last a lifetime. Just because you’ve found your Twin Flame or Soul Mate, doesn’t actually mean you’re “meant” to be together. Sometimes these Soul Connections come into our sphere in order to tear down the facade we’ve been building, the masks we’ve been wearing; tear away what we know, crush us to rubble, so that we can rebuild from the authentic core of who we are. 

(Stay tuned for a deepened conversation about Soul Groups — those incarnated Souls who are here to remind you, at a cellular level, of what you are at the core of who you are, in your Soul, in your deepest self, your very Essence.)

What about chemistry?

Yes. Chemistry is important. 

But consider that chemistry can actually be a (pleasurable) form of trigger. We’re sparking something in one another when we feel mutual chemistry. But what we’re sparking, or where that spark is coming from, can sometimes be based in Wound, in need, in Ego, in addiction to Reactivity.

When we feel intense chemistry with someone, it’s often because our Souls recognize each other. And that can be because they are meant to come together, or it can be because they have some deep, karmic baggage to work out. And when the latter is the case, the highs can be VERY HIGH; but the lows can be verrrrrrry low.

Some 'trigger' is important. This feels like a simple Truth to me. We get into relationship, ultimately, so that we can grow, so that we can better know ourselves, so that we can co-create something new together. And in order for that to happen, in order for that co-creation to happen, there does have to be some trigger, some chafing, some polarity, some burning awa.

But what most people forget to write about when they're writing articles like the ones I refer to above, is that the recognition of our Souls can feel explosive — but it's also supposed to feel like PEACE. Like ease. Like rest. Like coming home. It’s not supposed to feel so hard, so trying, so charged all of the time.

Now, let me clarify that this is NOT about settling for something or someone that doesn't make your toes curl. Goddess, hell YES, your toes are meant to curl. Your hips are meant to be grabbed. Your hair is meant to be pulled. Kisses are meant to make you long for more of them.

But leaving out the all-important ingredient of Peace from a relationship is like having an unattended grease fire: You're going to have fire, that’s for sure. But is it the kind you want?

Is it the kind that’s going to keep you warm, sustain you, and bring you light? Or is it the kind that's going to burn the house to the ground?