Do couples evolve together?
"Do couples evolve together? Or is the work done separately and they come together and complete each other?"
Always Both / And.
Assuming that either one of these is the One Way is a recipe for disaster:
In one, we assume that the responsibility for our evolution and Expansion lies solely in the relationship itself — which will have you slipping into a Pull Energetic, "needing" your partner to "keep up"... thereby Judging them if it seems they're not up to your Standards, "keeping up with you," and creating ripe breeding ground for Resentment.
Not to mention a ripe breeding ground for Measurement and Rejection — the dynamic created when you expect someone to "keep up with you" is as Wounded Masculine and Entitled Wounded Feminine as it gets. Many people will call this 'Standards' — but our Standards should be about HOW someone loves us, not how exactly they meet our misguided expectations to, in essence, walk the same path in the same pacing as us. This is straight-up Productionism, and NOT Sacred Relationship. Don't let anyone tell you it is.
In the other, we assume that the responsibility is only ours — which often either has us pulling away from exploring Relationship at all "until we're more perfectly ready, until we've 'done the work,'" (of course, there is no requirement TO enter into Relationship if you don't feel ready — but as some kind of 'marker' of whether or not we're 'ready,' this is a faulty one) or it can have us contorting ourselves to 'fix things' that aren't just ours to fix, and thus creating a toxic and damaging dynamic between us, even if unintentionally. We'll lose ourselves in this way.
This one also assumes that there's ever such a thing as "Complete" — which is just more conditioned languaging of Machine.
We're never going to be 'done' growing, healing, evolving. Any ideas that we'll 'arrive' at some miraculous place where NOW we're ready for relationship, or NOW we can share our Hearts with someone else, because we've "done all the work and we're Complete" — will just keep us searching, over-fixated on fixing ourselves, and consequently not creating any room for Movement and Mess, growth and evolution within the dynamic of the relationship itself... Meaning, we'll start expecting Perfection from anyone we let ourselves get into relationship with.
It's far more helpful to see ALL Relationship
as a Dance:
where both partners need to be taking care of their own steps, their own rhythm, practicing their own moves, learning new ones, refining timing and technique... AND are working together to support the overall movement, rhythm, cohesiveness, connection, united timing, intuitive and unspoken adjustments, and artistry of the Dance between them,
Knowing it's NEVER just about themselves alone, and NEVER just about the Dance outside of the Dancers.
The refinement and beauty of this Dance happens over time, by doing both of these things getting a feeling for what works, trying new things together when something doesn't, not Expecting one or the other, Self or Relationship, to carry it all, and understanding that one is never, ever, extricated from the other.
xoxo
PS — to Activate this ancient, forgotten Feminine Power within you,
and finally have the More you're meant for — grab your FREE intro course here
Heather Allison is a Divine Feminine Shaman + Energy Repatterning Coach for women.
Diving into any of her courses will allow you to shift out the Wounded Paradigm and Energy Patterns that are keeping you stuck — and help you step into deep Love and Sensuality, Soulful Success and Abundance, your Intuitive and Mystical abilities, the Bliss and Freedom you were actually BUILT FOR.
Your ability to Manifest your Destiny lies in the Ancient Feminine Power within you. It's time to let Her Awaken.
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