Love Q: Should I ask him out??
Today, I'm taking another question from my audience of Goddesses and answering it here for you lovelies, too!
Today, the question is,
What to do
when you're not sure what to do if that guy likes you or not.
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Here's what she wrote to me:
“I met this guy last year at an alumni event. A month or two later, I ran into him at another event unrelated to our alma mater. We talked for a long time, and I guess that's when I started crushing.
Since then, I'll see him once every month or two for different functions.
We've texted a few times, but our interactions have mainly been in-person, in group settings. This last event we had last week, he sought me out and we talked for a long time. (I considered that a small win.)”
So do I! I think that's awesome!
“He checks off most of the boxes on my list…”
(I’ll talk more about those lists we all have at another time.)
“Why haven't I just asked him out for a drink or coffee?
I'm scared. I've healed quite well after a rough breakup at the beginning of last year, but I'm just so wary/weary now. I don't want to waste my time.
But I'm afraid I've just worked this guy up so much in my head, I'll be disappointed. And I don't even know if he's got the faintest interest in me.”
So, first and foremost, I want to say that I think you're AMAZING, and I'm so proud of you for doing the work, and doing the healing that you needed to do to recover from past breakups.
I've so been there -- in fact, I've been through a number of them and have gotten my heart trounced on more than I'd like to admit.
And, really -- what I've found -- is that it's the very act of opening up super, super wide -- wider than even is comfortable after something like that, is exactly what's going to bring you the juiciest and the biggest love that you want to have in your life.
So kudos to you for that! I know it's scary!
But it really truly is about getting up, dusting your knees off, standing up again and knowing and OWNING the fact that you know there's a big love out there for you.
That is the one thing, hands-down, that I knew throughout my years of dealing with relationships, my failed marriage, dating losers, or falling in love and then having those relationships not work out -- I knew for a fact that there was something bigger out there for me.
Second thing:
Masculine-energy men absolutely know what they want.
I always advocate for letting him pursue you.
There are a number of reasons for that -- and the biggest one really is that, it's totally true what you hear:
I've talked about this before, we all have masculine and feminine energy in us, all of us -- men and women.
And most of us women feel comfortable with a masculine-energy man.
So if he really is that guy who is most comfortable in his masculine energy, he's going to know what he wants, and he's going to come toward it.
So if he likes you, and if he's in his masculine energy, he's going to move toward you.
And he's going to be attracted to you being in your feminine energy, which is allowing, receiving, and being open.
So that's the first reason why I usually advocate for men making the first move.
But, I also know that doesn't really account for the guys who also have been hurt, and are scared they're going to get hurt again, and don't want to fall down again, right?
I know we've all been there, and men aren't immune to that feeling.
So, some guys are scared of that rejection and maybe they need a little encouragement, and I think that's totally fine.
I actually did that with MY man.
He asked me out the day after we met -- and I couldn't go, so I had to turn him down.
And then it was like 2 months (TWO MONTHS!!) after he'd asked me out, and I still hadn't heard from him again.
And then randomly, late at night, a couple months later I saw him online -- this is so silly -- I saw him online on facebook, and I just shot him a message and said, "Hey! Wow, you're up late -- you must be a nightowl like I am!"
And that's it! That's all I said!
And it was like FLOODGATES.
He was like, "Yeah! I am! What are you doing? We should hang out! We should go out! What are you doing this Friday?!" ;)
So long story short, you can absolutely give him that little nudge, that little encouragement that he might need to come closer, to let him know that you're open to receiving his advances.
Maybe that looks like this:
When you're out and about and you see him, focusing on being what I call "in the balance of warmth and distance" -- and that just means, you're really open to receiving what he's bringing, but at the same time you're not totally in his face.
But make eye contact, smile at him, even say something to him about how great it feels when you get to see him, when you get to spend time with him -- you can absolutely let him know that. Let him know how you're feeling and how good it feels to be around him.
This is a good opportunity to see if he's interested -- we don't want to be chasing him. In my experience, that doesn't usually work out.
So just open up to receiving, let him know, show him you're interested -- and otherwise let the magic take its course, and let the Universe do its work, and let this masculine-energy guy come closer to you!
If you want to learn more about masculine and feminine energies, and how each of us -- men and women -- function in them, and what they're good for (and not good for), and how to make them work for your relationship, your life, or creating the things in your life that you're desiring, message me on my homepage, at www.heather-allison.com.